Treating My Anxiety

I have been meaning to make this post for quite some time. I have struggled with anxiety for a long time. Before I had kids and was working, my anxiety was quite useful at times. I was very organized, on top of my work load and I remembered everything. The flip side was that my brain was going full-speed all the time. Sometimes it was hard to sleep and sometimes I would get really restless with the monotony of life.

Once I had kids and was home more and working less, the anxiety became solely a burden. I would get stir-crazy really easily. I would get restless and anxious when I was alone with kid/kids. It was hard! I thought something was wrong with me so I mentioned it to my OB-GYN (since I don't have any kind of general doctor because I never go to the doctor other than for pregnancy). I was put on anti-depressants. They helped, sort of. They took the edge off a little bit but I still felt pretty anxious. It wasn't crippling so I never sought help from a psychiatrist or therapist.

Fast forward to when my third baby was about 9 months old. I was with my hairdresser and loooooong time friend, Stephanie. I was telling her about my struggles with losing the baby weight. I had done everything that I could do to lose weight, short of starving myself. Crazy exercise and dieting and the weight would hardly budge. I knew it had to be hormonal of some sort. Stephanie referred me to a hormone doctor that she knew of called Balanced Body MD (in Draper, UT).

And just a side note, the office itself is a little bit unprofessional. I think they are still trying to get their bearings. I had an appointment for a blood draw and dragged all 3 of my kids down there and after I got there and after having waited for 10 minutes, the girl who was supposed to draw my blood called and said she was going to be 30 minutes late... I couldn't wait in their little waiting room with 3 kids. Didn't she know she had an appointment at 10 am? And didn't she know earlier than after 10 am that she was going to be at least 30 minutes late? Maybe something crazy happened to her that morning, I don't really know. I had to reschedule. BUT they do sell Isagenix products and Quest bars there and I love both of those brands.

I went to my appointment and they took 7 vials of blood to test all of my hormone levels. My thyroid was low and my testosterone was low, among some other things. They wanted to insert a testosterone pellet into my butt cheek. I almost turned it down because it was such unfamiliar territory for me. They told me it would help with anxiety, exercise recovery and low libido (aka sex drive), among a few other things. I went with it and got the pellet inserted into my butt cheek through a small incision. 

Have you ever had a shot in your butt cheek? It HURTS! I remember thinking that this better be worth it.

Within a couple days, I felt like a new person. And not because I was losing weight rapidly (which I wasn't) but because the anxiety was completely GONE! I felt so content and without stress. Suddenly, I was content just staying home and playing with my kids (versus being home with kids and constantly being anxious about what was going on in the world around me). I was less restless, I was sleeping better and I just felt so great. I quit taking my anti-depressants within two days and have never looked back. And the sex drive, oohhhh the sex drive. Without saying anything more, the sex drive....

An added bonus is that I was finally able to lose 10 pounds and I feel so much better now about  my weight (who knew that 10 pesky pounds could make such a difference).

The pellet was $288 and lasts 3-4 months. Unfortunately, insurance doesn't cover it because it is considered alternative. Insurance is more than happy to cover the anti-depressants which were more expensive and less effective, though. Hopefully that will change someday. But for now, I will gladly pay $288 every 3-4 months in order to feel as good as I feel. Our quality of life has increased substantially. I love it!

There are a couple of down sides to the pellet, which the doctor did warn me about. The main one is acne, which I have been getting on the back of my neck. It is weird but I am happy I am not getting acne on my face! I am still learning to control it because I have never struggled with acne in my life.

I also sweat more now and I am more forgetful. SO much more forgetful because I am no longer anxious and so I am not constantly replaying my schedule and commitments in my head. If you ever make plans with me, you should probably remind me that same day. :) It will just take me some time to get organized now that my high-strung brain isn't doing it all for me.

If you can relate to any of this, maybe you should get your hormones checked, too. It has helped me tremendously! And who knew that anxiety could be caused by a testosterone deficiency?!? THIS has changed my life. I am so thankful to my friend for suggesting that I get my hormones checked!

Selling a House With Small Kids

Today was the first day that our house was listed for sale. There is good news, we got a showing already! The bad news is that the house was messy (because we had the carpets cleaned this morning and furniture had not been put back) and I received word of the showing while I was at the dentist with kids and had 15 minutes to get home and clean the snot out of the house.

I left the kids in the car, the baby crying, and ran inside frantically trying to hide the dirty dishes (threw them in a garbage sack and hid it in the dog house), make the beds, hide the dirty laundry baskets, stuff things under the beds, etc... I am not going to be able to find anything now! It took me 10 minutes to find where I had stuffed the charger to my laptop.

I only cursed like 25 times... I was sweating like a pig.

We had to be gone for one hour and it was in the middle of my baby's nap time. Thankfully she passed out in the car. I didn't think we would get a response so quickly, which is good news, but I am completely unprepared for when we have to bolt for a showing.

That is all, I just really wanted to share how crazy it was for one single showing...

Motherhood Guilt Be Gone!

My 6 year old boy, E, loves TV. He always has. He began watching Barney when he was just barely a year old. It evolved to Sesame Street and many of the other PBS shows like SuperWhy and Sid the Science Kid. I felt like everything that I would read online about kids watching TV was negative. It was bad for them, it would lead to obesity and possibly ADHD in the future. I had a constant struggle because E just wasn't interested in much else. I would try and limit his TV but I always let him watch more than what was recommended. He liked watching TV, learning about ABCs, numbers, etc... And I didn't want to force him to play with toys. After all, he has never been a "toy kid".

Fast forward to now.

E is so intelligent. He was writing when he was 2. He was reading when he was 3. Now that he is 6, he can do math in his head and read books that should be way beyond his age. He thrives in school. At his pediatrician appointment today, the doctor told me that he can tell that E does well in school just by spending 5 minutes examining him.

I think back on all of the time and energy that I spent feeling guilty about letting him watch TV. So far in his life, it has turned out to be an enormous benefit. Now I find myself trying to get my 3 year old, who is very artistic and creative, interested in watching TV on PBS. She is not. She asks for it, watches a few minutes at best and then wanders off to play. This is good, too. But I do worry with how well she will do in school because she could not be less interested in her letters and numbers. She enjoys having books read to her so that is what we do now.

The moral of the story is that every child is different. They come with different interests and different ways of learning. And that motherhood guilt is rarely productive. Children will never go without challenges and struggles. And as mothers, I think we only have so much influence and control. Our children will not be perfect, no matter what. But ew, who likes perfect people anyway?!

Love Grows Best In Little Houses Print - 8x10, 11x14 and 16x20

I grew up in big houses. My dad was (and still is) a successful doctor and so even though we were a family of 8, most of us still had our own bedrooms and there was plenty of space to play. I remember my mom complaining that we would disappear into the basement and she couldn't hear us or know what we were up to. When my parents sold their home in the suburbs of Chicago, we had to live in an apartment for awhile. And I have such fond memories of living in that little apartment! My home is small. And we enjoy it. And I can hear my kids no matter where they go inside of it. My kids share bedrooms and they love it. I am sure many of you are like me and will also love this adorable little poem. Enjoy!

Available in 8x10, 11x14 and 16x20!

Click HERE to download the above print.

(The prints are in the compressed folder together, rather than posting each size separately)